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My cup was empty. I was so busy caring for everyone else that I was neglecting me. And at some point, my body said, no more. My mind said no more. And it both began to shut down on me. Welcome to Wine, Wisdom, and What Now. I am your host, Yolanda Holliday, and I am so excited you have joined me today for our very first episode. Again, thank you for joining me on this journey. This episode is our first episode. It will be in a solo format, so it will just be me so that I can come on and tell you a little bit about me and a little bit about the podcast and what you can expect in future episodes. First, I want to tell you about myself. My name is Yolanda Holiday. I am the founder of Curated Living by YH. And Curated Living was birthed from a place of why am I in this season alone? I know that there are other women who look like me experiencing similar things. One day I woke up and it just didn't feel right. Nothing changed, but work no longer felt like something I enjoyed. The people I was around felt overwhelming. Nothing felt right. And add night sweats and mood swings to that. And it was, I was confused. Is something wrong with me? I just didn't know. And so I went on a journey. I went on a journey to figure out one, what was wrong. And then two, what do I do next? So in that journey, I got real quiet. I got real quiet because I didn't know what else to do. And it took me about a year. I did not put a time frame on it, but it really took about a year before I started feeling like myself. And some of the questions I was asking myself is why am I no longer happy with what made me very happy just a couple of months ago? It started with I was empty. My cup was empty. I was so busy caring for everyone else that I was neglecting me. And at some point, my body said, no more. My mind said no more. And it both began to shut down on me. And so I had to look at the relationships I had in my life. I had to see what was no longer serving me, and I had to make some changes. Those changes, they were not easy. I had to let some people go. I had to develop boundaries where I had to say no. I had to limit giving myself away so that there was enough of me to be here for me. And that in itself is a journey, especially when you're used to being a giver and everyone expects for you to be a giver. It took me some time and I dug a little deeper, and what I found was the giving, the always showing up for everyone else, it was just a symptom of survivor's hood. I was in survivor's mode. I was, I had to make sure everyone else was good because I wanted to be one step ahead. I was just trying to make sure everything was in place, nothing fell out of line, and it was killing me. Mentally, physically, it was just killing me. And I was the one that would say, hey, if I don't do it, who will? Well, that no longer serves me. I was in a season where I no longer wanted to do it for everyone and everything else. I wanted to learn how to show up for me. So that is what I did. I took this year's journey and I rediscovered who I am and what truly makes me happy. And on the other side of that, it is joy. It is amazing. It is a life I never thought I could have. One where I'm at peace. That was not something I experienced in survivors mode. I wasn't at peace. And now I have so much peace. Getting here again was not easy. I had to let a lot of people and a lot of things go. But in hindsight, looking back, it was so worth it. The people that had to be let go, it was for a reason. This life right here, where I don't have to always think about what's next, where I can actually enjoy the moment, it feels good. It's helping me age backwards. Like I no longer am putting that unnecessary stress on myself. And I know I am not the only one who feels this, who have experienced this, who carry guilt because they couldn't be there for everyone else. Because when your mind starts shutting down and your body starts shutting down, you can't be there for everyone else. And I was not giving myself grace to say, hey, you need a break. What I was doing was trying to figure out a workaround so that I can still show up. I am so glad not to be in that season. I am so glad that I am supported by some amazing black women who look like me, who is on this journey with me, who sit down and have open conversation with me. This lets me know I am not alone in this journey. And this lets me know that there is a need for conversation. And that's that's why this podcast was created. So in the ecosystem of curated living, there is a community, a community where we're on Facebook and we're speaking. There is a community here that I'm growing with this podcast. And I want you to not only be able to relate to it, but to be able to share your lived experience, to be confident in knowing that you are not alone. You are not crazy in the things you feel. In this podcast, we'll talk about wellness, we'll talk about finance goals, retirement. We'll talk about life transitions. When I became an empty nester, I thought I was ready. I was excited. I'm going to actually have my house, my home to myself. It got quiet real fast because I realized the last 20 plus years of my life, I dedicated to raising my children. And now, what do I do with myself? Like those are real conversations that need to be had. I wasn't prepared for it. In this podcast, I want to come through. I want the guests to come through, sharing real genuine experiences. Experiences and conversations that lead to more dialogue because that is what we need as a community. We need to take our superwoman cape off and understand that it is okay to give ourselves permission to show up for ourselves. I want you to feel like I can't wait for that next episode because I know it's something that's going to feed into my soul, feed into my spirit. That is my goal. Again, this podcast is it's from the heart. It will be a structured conversation with real everyday women. What you can expect in the podcast. So there'll be a total of about three segments. We will kick each episode off with a pairing. It's called The Pairing. And the pairing consists of a feature of a black-owned wine brand. I actually have one to share with you today. Since this is our first episode launching in June, which is National Rose Month, I am going to share with you Brown Estate Rose. Brown Estate is a black-owned wine brand that is out of California. They have an amazing rose that, if you've tried it, drop me a comment. Let me know what were your thoughts. If you have it, it is sold at your local wine store, including Total Wine. Go get it, share a glass. I feel like to kick us off, it's a celebratory wine. To kick us off, this is the perfect wine pairing for this episode. In addition to the pairing, we'll have real conversations with an invited guest. 90% of the episodes will include an invited guest. It will be a virtual recording where you will get to hear everyday lived experiences by everyday black women over the age of 40. After that, we'll have a segment called In Her Season, because we are all in our season. But in her season is actually, it is listener-based where you can write in to inher season at winewisdomwhatnow.com and ask any perimenopause, menopause question you may have. And I will have a professional licensed healthcare worker who specializes in perimenopause, menopause, come on and answer your question. We will do one question per episode. No question is too far out there. So please, whatever it is, you don't have to do this alone. You can email us and let us know what your question is, and we will get it on air and we will share it with our professional that will give advice on air for not only you, but for others who are experiencing the exact same thing. That will be the format of our podcast. We will come on. There is no structured time. It is just going to be real conversation. I am hoping that you will follow us. We will be on YouTube, we will be on Spotify, we will be on Amazon and Apple Podcasts. Please follow all platforms if possible, but if not, your favorite platform, set notifications so that you know when a new episode is released. Our release dates will be on Tuesdays at 6 a.m. So I hope whether you're driving in your car, sitting at your desk looking for a distraction, just sitting at home, having a moment to yourself, that you will tune in and listen and enjoy the content, learn from the content, grow with the content, be inspired by the content each week. This is an open format. If there is a topic you want to have discussed, if there is, if you want to be a guest, if you have a story that you want to share and you feel that others can benefit, please reach out. Yolanda Y-O-L-A-N-D-A at winewisdomwhatnow.com. I am open for all conversation. If there is any recommendations, suggestions you may have. Today, I touched on it a little bit. We are going to actually have a real conversation. I come to you today. I want to discuss survivors mode. Many of us, especially in my age group, I turned 50 in February. Yes, I am a 76 baby, and I am celebrating all the 76 babies that are turning 50 or have turned 50 in this year because we're doing the thing. Like I'm excited for all of us. All of us seem to just have so much hope for what's ahead, and I'm loving seeing it. So again, today's topic, we're going to talk about survivors mode. I remember maybe 10, 8 to 10 years ago, my daughter came to me and she said, You are in survivors mode. Well, at the time, it wasn't a hot subject, wasn't many people discussing it, but I remember my initial reaction. I was first of all appalled, like your entitled self. And then it was, if I don't do it, who will? Like, survivors mode, there was no other option. That was the only option. Because if I didn't make it happen, who will? I didn't have anybody else to fall back on. So survivors mode was all I knew and understood. As the old people used to say, keep living. Over time, like I said, I nearly burnt myself out being in survivors mode. Life had to sit me down so that I can really take a good look within and see that survivors mode was not serving me anything good. That while I was always worried about what's next, always having to jump on the next big venture, because if I didn't, I was gonna miss the opportunity. I always had to be one step ahead of everything and everybody else, because if I didn't, it's gonna all come crashing down. That is so much pressure to put on yourself. That was so much pressure for me to put on myself. And I had to, in this season, realize that it doesn't have to be this way. Was it easy to realize this and accept it? It was not. Did I know what to do with it once I accepted it? I did not. But what I can tell you is I did the work. So what put me in survivors mode? That's the first thing I had to ask myself. Why are you in survivors mode? And I realized I've been in survivors mode my entire life. Like, I didn't have the luxury of knowing that I had someone else to fall back on. That just wasn't my luxury ever. So I always had to make do and make sure that I was okay. And that carried with me well into adulthood. So I had to deal with that. I had to realize that it's not gonna all come crashing down to an end if I'm not jumping at every opportunity or making sure that every little I is dotted and every T is crossed. Like it's okay to sit back and say, I'm gonna sit this one out. Or that's not for me. Or you know what? If I don't do it today, there's always tomorrow. If someone is not happy about the way I'm doing it, they always have the option of doing it themselves. I had to get to that place. And like it took me a year. And that year just started the journey. I am still very much on the date, on the journey. There are little things that let me know that the journey is going well, such as I no longer obsess about being successful. I am a serial entrepreneur. I was always thinking of the next best thing, always jumping to, hey, gotta do this. Oh, it's been six weeks. It's not doing what I needed to do. What do I do next? No, I'm okay with sitting in it because I know with time it will get to where it needs to be. I'm no longer in that rush that it has to happen right now or I'm gonna have to shift and make changes. I'm not there anymore. And it feels so good to allow myself the grace to just be me. That is just it's powerful. Like if you're not experiencing it, I want you to really sit down with yourself and figure out how do you get to that place. I see it in dating. So I am single, I am actively dating, and I realize that I don't have to save or build a man. My thing was always I have the resources, I'm very smart. Oh, you need this, I can do it for you. And I usually built a relationship. I am showing up as my whole, my whole heeled self. And I have the expectation that you do the same. And if you don't, I don't think that this has to be the one. I'm okay with saying we are good people, just not good for each other. And I think that is where it is most impactful because I have married someone I shouldn't have married, dated people I shouldn't have dated. But survivor's mode had me thinking I can save them the same way I can save me. That's not my ministry. My ministry is not to be your savior. Will I help people? Of course, because that's just my heart, but I will not take that on as my own. So this transition has helped in so many ways. And I want this for all of you. I am celebrating the ones that have gotten to this place, but I am behind you, pushing you for the ones who are still trying to get there. And I am doing it in a healthy way, not in a way where I lose me, but in a way where I can share my experiences and hope that you get something from it. That is the point of this whole podcast, that we as women come together as if we're having a conversation with our best girlfriend and we are sharing our lived experiences, hoping that you get something from it that will push and motivate you to the next level of your greatness. Not what others expect, but what you expect and deserve of yourself. I am super excited about this podcast. I am hoping that you will join me as I come and sit with you weekly with some amazing women. And in the rare case where you will see me by myself, I'm still hoping we connect. Eventually, this is the first episode, but I want you to look at me as if I am one of your girls within two, three, four episodes because I'm here. I am one of your girls, and you, as a listener, are part of my village. Your support is what's going to keep me going. Your support is what's going to keep this podcast going. It is with a pure heart that I want us all to win. Oftentimes we are not represented, and that's when we show up as our strongest self and we represent each other. That's all we need. We don't need a seat at other tables. We can create. We have everything it takes to create our own table. And that is what we're doing here. I so greatly appreciate you. As I mentioned, in each episode, there will be a segment called In Her Season. And that segment is where a listener will send in a question and we will have a professional speak to answer that question. And I hope it feeds your soul. I hope it gives you everything you need. I hope that it answers all of the unknown. Because we are in an unknown area when it comes to that beast, perimenopause. And for those who have transitioned out of it, menopause. So having someone who is there to answer the questions, it is a whole heck of a lot better than going to TikTok trying to find the answers or looking on Instagram to see what you can gather or go into these Facebook groups. You will be able to get your questions answered directly. I love that for all of us. I have questions, I'm experiencing this the same as you are. So we are going to grow and learn together. Again, this has been an amazing experience planning out and preparing for this podcast. I do hope that you will join me on this journey. We will release episodes every Tuesday at 6 a.m. I want you to please like, follow, subscribe this podcast wherever you are listening. And if there are other platforms that you listen, please find us there. Share it with your friends. Let them know that we are here. Just share, share, share. That's what I'm asking of you. And I hope that you tune in with us each week. Thank you for your time, and I wish you the best week possible.