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Reflect on the disservice that you're doing to yourself, but putting on a mess for others while slowly killing the inside of you. What does that benefit? Is your goal to show up and pretend like everything is okay? Welcome to Wine Wisdom and What Now. I am your host, Yolanda Holliday, and I thank you for joining. If this is your first time here, welcome. Come in, get comfortable. This is the podcast for us by us, where black women, 48 over, come together and have everyday lived conversations. If you are returning, thank you. I appreciate it. Before we pour, let's get into it. So I want to talk about skin care as we're aging. Been on my mind. I had an intense skincare regimen. I have my cleanser, I have toner, I have a hyaluronic acid, I have vitamin C, I have night creams under eye. I have an extensive five to seven step process. And overall, I think my skin is fine. I love my skin. But lately I've been thinking about Botox. You know those brown lines that appear as your Asian. I know it's a sign of Asian, and I'm very grateful to be aging. But there's a little vein in me that's like maybe if I just shoot it up a little bit to remove some of the frown lines and have it on TikTok because you'll know this one thing. And I've been watching some of the black women that's been getting Botox. Although my daughter, who's an aesthetician, is like, don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. I think I might try it once. I'm considering it. Have you tried it? What was your experience? Are you thinking about it? Let's talk about it. Send me an email, leave a comment. I'm really curious to know what others feel or are thinking about getting cosmetics and getting procedures done. In this case, specifically both. Okay, let's go into today's pairing. Today's pairing is Black Girl Madget Sparkling Brute from the McBride Systems. This is a California sparkling wine made with Chenon Blanc and Chardonnay. You'll get tropical aromas of pineapple and melon. And when you taste it, look for apple, pear, and white peach with these crisp, refreshing bubbles. And for the full pairing, I don't know if you know this, but sparkling wine, Sefgo, champagne, sparkling wine, there's really well fried fruits. I recommend pairing this with fried chicken. I'm telling you, go get you a bottle of sparkling wine and get you some chicken, fried chicken. The corny that is going to happen in your mouth, you can thank you later. And one more side note, because not many people realize this. Champagne can only be called champagne if it's made in the region of champagne. If it's not made in that region, it is sparkling wine. So if you go get a sparkling wine for California, it is not called champagne. Champagne is simply the region. It is a sparkling wine. Okay. I'm gonna get a fussle box on that. But I would pair this with fried chicken. You could also pair this with fried fish, sushi, or make it a brunch wine with eggs fit in it. Another good alternative for it is a mimosa. I like to pour a little bit of grandmoyeer in my maboso. So I tell you to go ahead and get a bottom, try it with the fried chicken, then flip it over and try it as a mimosa. Put a little bit of grand marilla in there with your orange juice or pineapple juice or cranberry, whichever you like. I do it with grandmoyen, orange juice, and just a splash of renovine for presentation. It is if you try it, you know. I want to know your thoughts, what you think, all the things. I think it is an amazing wine, and I think it pairs really well with the fried chicken and makes a great mouse. Today it's another solo episode. It's gonna be you and I having conversations, and this is something that has been heavy on my mind, something I've always thought about, and it's I feel bad. I feel bad for the woman who shows up and feels like she can't be herself. She has to wear a mask, she has to settle her life because she feels like if she exposes herself or she takes the mask down, then people are going to see the real you. My question is what's wrong with the real? If you're not happy in the place that you are in, how will you ever work on that to get to a truly happy place if you're always covering it up? I try to stay true in showing up as my genuine, authentic self. If I'm not feeling it, I'm gonna show up and say, I'm not really feeling it. If I'm in a seed that is not going as I expected or not going as I wanted, I'm going to take the time to try to figure out how to get out of that seat. I don't know why I'm built that way, but for me, it works. And I I find myself in situations where people think I'm coming from a place of judgment when it's not a place of judgment. The same way that I'm going to question you about your mask is the same way I question me. If I am sitting in a season and I am unhappy about it, I am going to self-reflect to figure out what is it I need to do to get out of this place. If I went about pretending like this season was the best thing ever, and I'm living my best life, God is good, nothing's wrong. How do I ever come out of that and really acknowledge God is good, but he put me in this season for a reason. So let me figure out the lesson and move past it. I hear stories about women who are unhappy in their marriage, whether he's cheap, whether he is just not showing up for and you're miserable behind closed doors, but in person, you're coming out as if life is grand and everything is great. Can you imagine how it would be if life really was grand and everything was great? Reflect on the disservice that you're doing to yourself by putting on a mask for others while slowly killing the inside of you. Who does that benefit? You showing up half the time pretending to be happy. People who know you know you're pretending. They know you're BSing. It makes you feel good because you can say the things, but it doesn't make you feel good. So, what is the ultimate goal? What is your ultimate goal? That is what I'm at. That is my question right now. What is your ultimate goal? Is your goal to show up and pretend like everything is okay? Or is your goal to self-reflect and do the work to get to a place where life is truly great? For me, I want to be in a place where I show up as me and life is truly great. And I know every day is not going to be a great day. But on those days that it's not great, I want to be honest with myself. I don't want to put the pressure on myself to remember to smile, to remember the lies I told about how great. Because on top of it not being great, I'm now adding fresh it. Why would I do that to myself? I love me. Why would I do that to myself? Why do you do that to you? And when it comes to print serpents, I find that I do well with William who are in a similar story. That is because as your friends, you show up and you say to me, I just, I'm in this, I've stopped. Can't figure it out. As your friend, I'm gonna say it, what can I do to help? Let's sit down and let's talk about this. Let's write some things out, let's goal set, let's figure out, let's get to the root cause of why you're not feeling like yourself. Let's get to the root cause of why you don't feel like you're walking in your destiny. That's my personality, that's not how everyone is. For me, I thrived in those friendships because I want to show up to you and say, I'm stuck. I just cannot figure it out. Whether it's financially, I am spinning in circles, whether it's career-wise, I'm just not happy, whether it's home life, that man, that husband has me stressed out, he's not coming home, he's not paying bills, whatever it is. I want to show if it's my truth and know that you have my back, that we can sit out, and we can have conversations, because it's nothing like the support of your sister to help you get through a season. You always think we can do it alone, but when we bring that other person in that we can trust, it makes it so much easier. So my challenge is to the woman that is living behind a mat. Sit down, take an hour, turn your phone off, disappear from the world, and just write, blindly write everything that comes to me. When you finish writing, close that book, close that notebook, close that journey, get up and go for a walk. Clear your mind, clear your head. You've already written the things out. Don't don't fester on it. Go for a walk. Take in the sunshine, taking the beautiful day, taking the scenery. Come back. Sit down, get that notebook, and read to yourself what you wrote down. Then read and then sit down and write out what is that really upset. Were you surprised by were they spaddal with how you're feeling? And then come out with a game plan. If you feel like you are stuck in your career, you are 45, 50 years old, you feel like you've aged out of your position, whatever it is, no one's stuck, no one is a prisoner. Write down a game plan. Ideally, where do you want to be? What is the minimum that you would accept? How do you get there? And if you were having these conversations by yourself, you're not including your friend, get on Chat GPT. Chat GPT can be your friend in the moment. Could be your confidant, can give you some really, really good advice. You don't have to do that. That's what I'm saying. But it is important that you come out of this season. You don't have to wear the mask because those who truly love you, they don't want to see the mask. If the mask is only making you feel good, then you need to do some evaluations and figure out why it is you need the mask to feel good. Why is it you don't feel you're valuable enough to do the work to get to a true place of feeling good? I I feel bad for the woman that feels like she can't show up as herself. And in showing up as yourself, you have to understand that you are not for everybody. And that is not their fault or yours. You just know they're not part of your tribe because either you're intimidating them because you are living your true self, either you are challenging them because they know they're not, and they are so busy BS in their way through life, your way of being authentic makes still feel judged. That's not for you to carry. That's just for you to know that season of healing where you are showing up as your true self is not for everybody, and it's okay. It's okay. This was a topic that when we get into groups, we should discuss. Never know to hear it. So when your nets girls' night in or girls' night out at the dinner table, bring it up. How do you feel in today's world of all the stress that's happening showing up in this group as your true authentic self? Are you comfortable? Is there a reason you feel you can't? And then discuss those reasons. There is nothing like conversation. Growing women should be able to sit down and have a conversation. And how I remember, I told you I'm in a book club. We have conversations. Are they always as authentic as they need? No. That is because we are a book club that's more like a family. And in doing so, you have to understand your family. Not everyone is ready to have that conversation. So therefore, I don't suggest pushing people who aren't ready. Just don't entertain it. They're telling you a story about how great Les is. You can listen without entertaining. Just listen. You don't have to give feedback. You don't have to respond. You don't have to say, I know you BSA. Just let her get it out. For whatever reason. And that's see, she feels she needs to get it out. And maybe it's more so to convince herself than it really is to convince you. We'll never really know, especially if she is not in a place of having the conversation. But if you are a really good truth friend, when she is ready, she knows that you'll be there for her. There's nothing like knowing that that person is going to be there for you when you are ready to sit down and bear it on. And I always say we have friends for different seasons of life. So can I go and talk to any and all of them about what's happening? I can't, because I'm going to be honest. I don't trust all of their judgment with friends with different things. But I can identify the ones that I can go sit down and talk to about those things. When you have those friends that are just a breath of fresh air, or you're having a stressful dinner, just the old sound always pick up the phone because you know they're going to give you a good laugh and a good conversation. But it's not going to be about real life property. It's going to be about I needed a release in this moment, and this friend is who I go to for that. Friends that you can subject financial conversations with. You can have real conversations about relationships and raising kids or whatever it is. We have friends for different seasons. Identify your tribe, identify your safe space, and don't do it alone. Go to that tribe when you're ready. If that person is not ready to reciprocate and share, be there for them without pressuring them because when they're ready, they'll be ready and come too. That is what I have for today. I really, really, really, really, really, really want you, myself, all of us to walk in a genuine destiny. I feel like sometimes we need to hear it. So hopefully, if this was a message that you needed to hear, that it has served your soul better, it gets you back thinking and reflecting and gets you to a place where you can truly show up as your genuine. We release every Tuesday at 6 a.m. I hope you will join me next week. Next week will be launched down, so it'll be a celebration. I really hope everybody if you have any questions for comments, you can send them to questions at onewisdom whatnow.co. I'm always looking to engage and have real conversations. If you're looking for your community, I'm telling you, your circle is there. Come join us. We are having an open house birthday next Tuesday, September 1st. It is just come, check it out, hear what's being said, and make a decision for yourself. But at least come get the information. It's 7 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. You can go to the Purity at Living website and sign up so you'll be alerted. You can also go to the Purit at Living website to the events page and just register. Once you register, you'll hit the email that confirms your registration. Within 48 hours of the event, you will get an email with the login information. You must register to attend. Goal is to get 100 women into this open house. So please not only register, share it with them. Share it with your friends, share it with your circle. Let them know this is a community for black women, and I think it'll be a little bit of something for everyone. If you are not subscribing and receiving our newsletters, go ahead and on the same website, cheerated living by yh.com. Go ahead and sign up for a newsletter. We have a Tuesday newsletter edition that comes out and it lets you know a summary of what's happening on the podcast. And then we have the Friday Reflection Newsletter edition. And that is just whatever I'm reflecting on in the moment. It is encouragement for going into your weekend. It is a little bit of what you will hear in the community. I am your host, Yolanda Halliday, and I thank you for joining me today. I hope you have the most amazing week ever. Until next week, see ya.