SPEAKER_00 1:03

Welcome to Wine, Wisdom and What Now. I am your host, Yolanda Holliday, and I thank you for joining me. If this is your first time here, welcome. This is the podcast for us by us, everyday lived experiences of black women over 40. And if you have been here with us before, welcome back. I appreciate the support. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you. Today, before we pour, I'd like to discuss giving other women their flowers. I have encountered some amazing women while recording this podcast. I feel blessed to have been in their presence, to just share their story, have conversation with them. It has been a really great experience. And I have no problem with telling another woman you are amazing, you are doing amazing things. Because I wholeheartedly believe that it takes nothing from me to give you your flowers. I am comfortable enough in myself that I know that I can tell you what an awesome, amazing person you are. And I feel like we need to get in the habit of celebrating other women, complimenting other women. If you see that sis woman down the street, her hair is fire. Tell her. That outfit is killing it. Tell her. Like there's nothing that's going to be taken away from you to celebrate another woman. And in this season, that is what we need to celebrate each other. So before we pour, I just wanted to give you your flowers. Your support showing up, supporting me. Thank you. I appreciate it. I love you for it. You are awesome. You are amazing. And I want nothing but the best for you. Whatever you're dreaming, wishing, praying, and hope for, I want it for you. I am claiming it for you. Thank you. Now we can get into our pairing. Today we're going to be pouring Good Times, Good Friends, Pinot Grigio from Love Corkscrew, a black woman-owned wine brand, founded by Christian Lampley. And I have to tell you, the name alone made me think this was the perfect wine for today's conversation. Good times, good friends. It just feels like freedom, adventure, and enjoying the life you're creating, which is exactly the energy MJ is going to bring to this episode. This is a light, crisp Pinot Regio, so it's an easy wine to pour when you want something refreshing and uncomplicated. Pair it with seafood, grilled chicken, a fresh salad, or a light pasta dish. But what I really love about this pairing is what it represents. Sometimes your next chapter doesn't have to look anything like the chapter you just finished. You can sell the house, change the career, hit the road, or simply decide you want your life to look different. So pour yourself a glass. Today we're talking about a bit your frito and having the courage to create a next chapter that actually feels like you. Cheers, sis. Coach MJ Hunter is a next chapter coach, content creator, author, and solo van lifer. After more than 20 years in corporate America, she decided it was time for something different. She left her career, sold her home, bought an empty cargo van, converted it into a camper herself, and hit the road full time. Today, MJ inspires people in the second half of life to embrace their next chapter with confidence, authenticity, adventure, wellness, and freedom. MJ, welcome to the podcast. Listen, MGZ again the heezy. What is going on? I know this is going to be a great conversation because from our discovery call, it has felt like I've known you forever. So I know that your energy is going to pass off on everyone. And everyone's going to walk away being like, that's my girl right there.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

I love it. Actually, it was so funny. And my son, I'm sure you'll see this. Son, I felt like they, when you're reading the pastor's bio before they preach, that look they have on their face. That's what I was just talking about. They look, it's not exactly awkward, it's more they know what we're talking about there. And they just kind of sitting there trying to be like they don't know.

SPEAKER_00 6:16

I don't like feeling. That is hilarious. So I'm gonna kick it off like I always do, and I'm gonna ask you, what season are you currently navigating? Listen, did it listen, it's MJ season.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

Okay. But I'm living, I listen, it's MJ season. I used to refer to, I guess I still refer to the part of my life I'm living right now as phase three. So phase one was before I had children. So my life up till I was about 19, I guess. And then phase two was being a mom full-time and raising my children, and then phase three. And the interesting thing is phase three is the longest one, but it's the one that people downplay the most. They get to 50 and they start the downward slide to. I don't know what they're sliding down to. I'm not doing that. I'm doing this. But I've I've I've been my next chapter, darling, and I believe everybody's next chapter starts today. Whether it's a good next chapter or bad next chapter, it's up to them, but everybody's starting right now.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

Right now, there is so much to unpack from your bio. I don't even know where to start. But but I feel like I want to start with when you say, one, I appreciate the fact that you did not say midlife. I don't know why I have such a problem with that word.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

I don't know what that is. Midlife.

SPEAKER_00 7:37

Like, I don't put my life phases.

SPEAKER_01 7:39

How you gonna do that? Like, how do you think? I do my phase based on the major thing I was doing at that time. Right. Poor parenting parenting. But not by age. Listen, I plan to live till I'm 106 years old. So I'm not even halfway there. And if I'm wrong about it, who's gonna check me? And if I'm wrong about it, who's gonna check me? Because I need that.

SPEAKER_00 8:02

That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

So what y'all what's up?

SPEAKER_00 8:08

Okay, tell us about life in corporate America and the day you decided, I'm out of here.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

Okay, so first of all, I didn't decide, it was decided for me the day that I went. So let's go back. I worked mostly in for health insurance companies. 14 years I worked for the same health insurance company before then I spent a couple years at a different one. Before then, I was like tipping and doing all kind of stuff. But anyway, I never fit in in corporate America. I never did. I never wanted to climb the ladder. I never was that butt-kissing type. I never was the let me just do what I gotta do to keep this job. Like I did good work, but I was never that bought-in person. I always knew that there was something else beyond that, that was for me. I did not know how to get there exactly, but I had been introduced to enough things as a younger person, like um multi-level marketing through Amway, things like that. That's where that's actually where I first saw that there could be something different. My mother was actually in Amway and then I joined. I never did anything really with it, but that's where I first heard that you can do something besides have a job and make all this money is people walking across the stage. I'm listening to these tapes. Okay, tapes, y'all, tapes. Yes, the little square things, tapes with two rolls. That's what I was listening to. And that's where I first realized there's other ways to make money. I've never been able to let that go. So even in corporate America, I worked, but I never, I didn't necessarily have a solid plan to leave, but I knew I didn't have a plan to stay either. People thought I'm gonna be here till I'm 67. I'm like, you think about that? I don't know if I would be gone or not, but I'm not planning all that. I never fit into the culture. I just never was that one. So when I got picked to be one of the ones laid off, listen, we were in the room, we were in the room, they called me in and my supervisor and a few other people that was on that floor, and it was happening company wide, but of course we didn't know. And and they had us in that room, and I happened to be sitting next to that. I guess she was the director, so she was over the supervisors that were over us. Honey, when she told us what it was. I had to bite my lip. I wanted to squeal for joy. You hear me? Other people were crying, looking somber. I was just like, she don't shut up. Very nice lady. When they say, okay, well, y'all can go good assuming everybody's upset. You can go home for the rest of the day, don't worry about it. Start thinking about what you want to do. I flew to that elevator. And when I got in the elevator, I can't remember if I called the guy I was dating at the time or my son. I screamed.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

I just got shut out.

SPEAKER_01 10:53

I was so excited. Because I mean, I also, I mean, even if I hadn't gotten the deal that they got, I would have been excited. Because I just believe it's always gonna work out. So we got two weeks of severance for um every year we worked there. So for me, that was gonna be, was it 28 weeks at the time? Because I had worked there 40, 14 years. That's like, you telling me, so wait a minute, wait, wait a minute. So you're telling me for the first two, for the next two months, I still work here. But they had already said we're gonna take everything off your plate after the first week. I was a project manager, so they took up all the projects, they don't get them offloaded the first week, and they said you don't have to come back in. So I was all, you know, I'd I'd log in, I'd just be DMing people, messing with people who were still working. The idea was you're you're applying for jobs. Why would I do that? Why would I apply for it? It's insane. You're gonna pay me. So two months, I still work there. Then you got another over six months. I just stayed on the payroll. They didn't give us a lump sum, they just kept paying us our bi-weekly pay for 14 more times in my case. Benefits stayed the same. So, what you're telling me is nothing changing. I'm still getting paid, but I can do something else. Here's the beautiful thing, Yolanda. Right before that, a week before that, I had seen an ad on Facebook. I'll never forget it. It was called The Death of Coaching. Well, that was the label on the ad. It was back during the ad to webinar to Discovery Call to High Ticket Coaching Day. They still, people still do high-ticket coaching, but that's not the path because everybody's kind of wise to it. Listen, I was so glad I clicked on that ad and it said the webinar is about to start because they're their program to start at the top of the hour. So it always feels like it's a coming up. It's about to start. Meanwhile, I didn't know they did that. I thought it was actually a live webinar. I'm like, I got him. Whatever that man said, he became my business. Because I, at the end, they gave me a chance to book a call, book the call. Monday was the call. The man told me the price. I had like half the money. I couldn't get to it because it was after hours. I said, tomorrow I'm going to my to my uh girl. I'm telling you all the stuff I don't even know if it's what you want to know. But I love talking about this because it was for dinner. Went to the credit union. I had, I think it was like nine grand. I had like five. I didn't even care. I was gonna get the rest of it, they're gonna give me three weeks to come up with rest. Take my money and show me how. Because he's saying he can show you how to become a coach using what you already know. He's not talking about going back to school, he's not talking about a certification. He's just saying, with what you know, there's people that want to learn from me, right? And so a week before I got laid off, I had signed up with my first uh business coach. And so I'm thinking, okay, I'll build this on the side for my job while I work my job, and then I'll do God was like, nah, nah, you're not. Y'all sign up next Monday. Boom, we're out of here. Out of here. So I already had a plan. I didn't even know that's what it was. So they, girl, lay me. Uh please lay me off. That's my favorite thing to happen for you to do. Let me out. Or fire me. I mean, I don't like to get fired because it's something I've done. But listen, girl, what's the next question, Champ? I think I'm all over the place.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

What was the question? Through your journey of how you left corporate America. Yes. And how you handled it. Everyone handles it the way you do.

SPEAKER_01 14:15

No, and I recognize that. And that that's that's the interesting thing about that, Yolanda, is as I'm doing what I'm doing right now as an exchapter coach, and like Harriet tells me, Liz, I had my hair in a scarf right before we got on this call. Her hair was always sat up. I'm like going back, the underground road to pull people out because I know there's other people around this time of life. That's like like what you're doing, like what? So seriously, this is it. This is what we did, this is what we're doing. So trying to help other people. But I recognize other people have a different, they're not necessarily gland about it, they're not as comfortable with risk, they're not as decisive. So I'm I try to be try to be mindful of that, but listen, come on out of there.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

Because life is short. A lot of people are just scared.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:02

Where you're not, you're free. A lot of people are just scared to take that lead, take that job. Even when they're pushed, even if they're laid off from their job, they still see it as I'm not gonna have that every other week check. I'm going, what am I going to do? Versus taking the opportunity like you did to say, what does my next look like?

SPEAKER_01 15:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

Here's the thing.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

Here's what I always say. We're taught that entrepreneurship is risky, and it is. But so is having a job. There's no real risk-free or low-risk paying. Because you see what they did to me, and that's what people are thinking about when they're getting that bi-weekly carry. They walked me in a room and took away my livelihood. They didn't care if I didn't know unhanded another thing I was doing. And that thing wasn't making money yet. I just said started learning. A job to me is insanely risky because you're depending on another entrepreneur to care more about your livelihood than you do. And to do their work well enough to provide for your family and make sure you are eating. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with jobs. I've had a lot of them. But let's not paint that as a low-risk pain. You're what you're hoping that they every day, low-key, you're hoping you're gonna get fired or laid up. That's because that's what it is. How is that not risky? That is insane. If I didn't have another way or a different mentality, I would have been screwed. Oh, that's right. I drew my unemployment before the after the severance. So then extended the money. So I was living it up. But yeah, it's it's it's they're scared because they're taught, yeah, depend on us, we'll feed you. Ah, fair.

SPEAKER_00 16:39

You'll feed me as long as you mingle. The risk gets increasing. The risk increases the older you get, because I'm encountering conversations with a lot of women who got to a certain age and was let go for one reason or another. But we know what the reason was.

SPEAKER_01 16:55

You make too much money.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

That's the reason. But I think that's why your next chapter coaching is so important. So tell us about next chapter, your next chapter coaching.

SPEAKER_01 17:07

Liz, I'm I've coached all kinds of stuff, honey. Business startup, uh, time management organization. This I lit on because it's perfectly aligned with how I'm living my life right now, which is a life of freedom. It looks different for everybody. But what I'm recognizing is I'm talking to these, it ends up being women, but it's not just for women. It's really for people over 50, but naturally we're gonna align with people that look like us, and you know, men are probably gonna go talk to men more and stuff or what. But people, I've let my clients define what freedom looks like to them. And invariably, and it's a it's a six-letter word that begins with the letter T, and everybody says they want to do more of this. That's always where the freedom is. They want to be able to travel more, they want to be able to control their time. And so a lot of times we think it's about the money. That's the part we fear losing on the surface. But really, what's more valuable than money is time. You could always make money back. You could always, if nothing else, you can downgrade your life to accommodate what money you have. But the time, all in 52 years I've lived, they are gone. I cannot get them back in any way. And people have to, at this stage, they're learning how to face that. And that's when I'm helping people to realize your time that you're waiting to feel comfortable. Uh, well, I don't want to rock the boat and y'all work so hard for all this, and I don't. I got it. I sold a beautiful home to move into a tin can. So it's a very cute little tin can, but it's what it is. But this is what I want to live like this. I I don't want to just be in the house because I already have it. And I think at this stage, a lot of people are attached to our accomplishments. We've raised the kids or maybe still finishing up raising the kids. We've got the house, I ain't making good money. And you you've we've arrived, you've arrived, and so now you feel sometimes even guilty. I just posted a video about it. Guilty because others, anybody else would love it to be in your situation. But I don't love it. And we have to just get honest about that. You don't want to get to Amy and be like, man, I always wish I. Nobody ever finishes that sentence with work that job more. Nobody ever says that. What they always say is, I wish I took that trip. I wish I started that business, I wish I'd moved to Chicago, I wish I'd moved to Chicago.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

That's very true.

SPEAKER_01 19:31

That is never regret. The thing you won't regret at the end of your life, you should not be focusing on now. And I'll I'll stand on that. If you wouldn't be on your deathbed saying, gosh, I'm sure glad I stayed and waited until I was 70 to retire and then start traveling, nobody says that. But I know I will not have regrets of, I wonder what it would have been like if I, because I'm just gonna go on and do it. Worst case scenario, I'd undo it, or not even undo it, I'd do something else. Somebody's like, they've already asked me. I just left in February, left home. People already asked me, so how long you think you're gonna do this? Well, how long are you doing what you're doing? I don't know. I don't have to know that I'm doing it today. Why do I have to know how long I'm gonna do van light? But it makes people uncomfortable. What I'm doing makes people uncomfortable. We can talk about that, but what I'm doing and others like me is makes people very uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 21:16

The unknown always makes people uncomfortable. But before we jump into the unknown, I do have a question that I think would be top of mind for most people. Even if you're not taking your certain in your situation, you're not happy on the job, and you want to take that leap of I'm gonna sell a house and I'm just gonna be free. Did you have a financial plan? Was there something you did to prepare for it? Or did you say, This is what I want, I'm gonna take the leap, and it's gonna be what it's gonna be.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

I love that. I'm a pretty decisive person. So as soon as I get an idea, I begin to act on it. I decided I wanted to publish my first book. Immediately I reached out to all the collaborating authors that I wanted to have in it, and it was done in five months. When I wanted to have a conference for my 50th birthday, so as it came to mind, I was like, oh, started planning the event. I'm that type of person. Been watching Veil Life content since 2020, probably, well, actually, it was before 2020 I became interested in R Ving, but I did not, I did not um think I was gonna do it full time. I think I saw all of the content in 2019 and I started going to boat and RB shows. It was some years before I was like, oh, I could do this full time because I started thinking about moving to Texas or somewhere. I want to relocate from where I'm from. And so all of a sudden I was like, well, you watch a lot of this content. What if you use this as a segue from being at the house to moving somewhere? It'd be a great way to investigate some other cities. And but once I decided I wanted to do it full time, I started taking action. I thought I was gonna get the van and then build it out on my driveway and then sell the house. God was like, I get it. He always saying something. He's like, no, we're not gonna do it like that. Because I'd probably still be building the van right now on that same driveway. Because that was a place of comfort, and I wouldn't have been as pressed. Um, so once I realized I couldn't never could get the van, never knew what van I wanted, whatever it was. Once I decided I was gonna sell the house first, I started acting on that. There was no, okay, this is what I'm gonna do. Okay, some people would probably think it's reckless to operate the way I am, but I'm crazy enough to believe I can always figure it out. I'll always make a way. There's nothing wrong with having plans. And I I guess I hand up plans. A certain extent, but it wasn't this okay. Let me save up for two years, like, let me get this equity out of this house and bad dispare and go on. Because I know I can always figure it out. Sometimes we get stuck in the planning phase, and it actually gives you more reasons not to do it. The more research you do, honey. People kill themselves with research. No matter what you read about somebody else doing it, it's not gonna help you feel comfortable. The only thing that can help you feel more confident is just doing it. It takes courage, not confidence. You ain't gonna have confidence in it until you already done something. So I did not have some master plan, but I know I got this mouth, I've got all this creativity, I have a million talents, talents that corporate America was paying me pennies for. So you telling me I can do all that for them, but I got to be scared to do it for myself. It's insane what I think about it, but I understand the space it comes from because that's how we're programmed. Are you kidding me? You believe you can do it for them, but if I say do it for yourself, now you're full of doubt and fear? They are paying you whatever they pay you, you best believe. I think the I think HR companies say that the number is two or three times that is what your value is to their bottom line. So if you make 90K, you're making a company upwards of $270,000 for your one job. So they ain't paying you the whole amount you make for. So if you if you can get a fraction of what you're worth to them, it's worth it. But again, it comes with that deprogramming people from thinking, I don't know, I can't do this for myself. Yeah, you can. You're doing a lot of stuff for free, you should be being paid for. You can do that in the life that you want to live. So that's that's my job. But no, I have no plan, girl. Not for I mean, I've had a plan, but not like what y'all are talking about. Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 25:29

But there's a whole life lesson in what you just said. And regardless of the situation, whether it is leaving corporate America, whether it is pursuing a different lifestyle, um, starting the business, it's betting on yourself, having enough courage to believe in what it is that you want and trust, because we holler faith and we holler trust, but we don't, then when it's something we can't see, we lose it. We just begin to faith it.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

Faith is the substance of things for the evidence of things not seen. Not see. You talk about needing to say it, that ain't faith. That ain't faith.

SPEAKER_00 26:07

And that's something real the human side kicks in where I don't know the if I don't know, then I'm not gonna step over there because I'm unsure. So whatever it is, the I get from your story, whatever it is, you gotta trust, you gotta trust, you gotta believe, and you gotta take the actual next step. Because I always say this a lot if it doesn't kill you, there's gonna be a great lesson in it. So at least give it a chance, give it a try.

SPEAKER_01 26:35

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, what everything in your life, even the things that you think you can you're sure of, like a job, like your house, all that can be taken away from you in a moment. You really have the only thing you have, and it sounds so corny to say it, but it's true. Only thing you have is you. Like you, your brain, your heart. Because everything else is just stuff. Your house can burn down in an unfortunate fire, then what? They can lay you off or fire you, and then what? We put a lot of faith and confidence in stuff that we can't even control.

SPEAKER_00 27:07

That is very true.

SPEAKER_01 27:08

We don't we can't even control, but I'm in control of I can always pivot. I'm not gonna lay myself off, I'm not gonna get fired. Something could happen to my little house, but if I could do this, I can do something else. Like the more you do, the more confidence you have. I built Yolanda, I built this van with my two hands. If you go far back in my content back in July when I bought this van, it was empty, metal. Like, you could put boxes in there. Now there's a whole house back there with these two hands. And I borrowed a couple other people's hands a couple times. Tell us about fan life. Oh my goodness, it is a journey, child. If I had, you know, I don't know. When I was I was gonna say, if I was when I was young, if you told me I'd be living in a van, I would have thought you was creating a vaccine. Oh, that's chance. I might even be like, oh, really? Sounds like fun. I absolutely love it. There are times that are very I have some frustrations sometimes, but again, I had frustrations in the house. You know, so I love the idea of living like a turtle or a snail. I got my house. Everything's whipping. I just love the idea that if I don't like a place, I can just leave. Like I've been here from Tennessee where I'm at right now for weeks. Goddaughters in college, getting her settled, and just been here enjoying it. And well, when I'm done here, I just go drive somewhere else. I love the idea that I don't have to go home, home back there. I'm just gonna go back there. It's I've had to learn, um, first of all, band living is very, it's very physical because everything you do, even though it's a small space, or I can just say because it's a small space, everything requires a lot of adjusting. So if I want to get some of my clothes out, I've got them, you know, I've got them in my little containers and they're kind of gonna move some stuff out the way and get them. I want to get in there with my where my stuff is stored, I gotta move things around or get, it's a lot where when you have a lot of space, you know, you just you just got stuff everywhere and it's just how it is. So I've had to learn to adjust to that's how it is. Doing different things with hygiene or with cooking or just a cleaning routine. You gotta clean a lot more than a house because you're in this one little space all the time. So it gets dirty quicker than when I had four bedrooms, two and a half baths, big old living room, big old foyer, big old lot. I had a lot of spaces to be. Now I got one space to be, and so it just takes a different level of care. But I absolutely love it. The only thing I don't love is that my all my clothes are not with me. I am struggling when I tell you, because I'm a style person. I mean, I put it on, and I can't, I I can't, especially winter's coming, fall and winter, that's when I layer and put, oh my goodness, the way I dress in the fall and winter, I I miss that. I don't think I'll ever stop missing that. So in the future, if I ever when I get some kind of tiny home or something, I'm gonna be glad. I can get all my clothes, out of storage, and put them back in a closet where they have to be and be with me throughout. I miss them. But I absolutely love it. I I meet people, I I have a lot of, uh I get to enjoy a lot of solitude, which I always enjoy. So yeah, it's I absolutely love it. Come on out here. Anyone that's interested, I've talked to a lady earlier. I met off of TikTok like I met you, and she used to do van life, she's got a house, she's gonna be going back to van life next year, but it's an experience like no other. Just to depend on you and in a way that you don't when you're in a what we call sticks and bricks house. I absolutely love the challenges of it. And I'll just mention this, you didn't ask this, but a lot of people say, Well, do you feel safe? And it's so interesting to me because again, it's another thing that we're programmed to feel quite safe in our homes. But homes are actually where you feel, where you actually are the most vulnerable because your defenses are damn. So I remember when I sold my house, I moved into a one-bedroom apartment while I was building out the van. And when I first moved there, I had a heightened sense of awareness because of a different neighborhood. It was downtown people walking past. I was from way out in the country. So now downtown, the people walking. You know, I didn't feel unsafe, but it was weird. Within weeks, I didn't feel like that anymore because I got comfortable. So you're more comfortable at your house. Like, you don't think about every time you walk up to your house, you know, oh God, somebody in the bush. That goes away. When you are traveling full-time, you always have a heightened sense of awareness because you're always in unfamiliar places. And then I always also say, as black people and as women, we already move different in the world. We don't move with a sense of oh, entitlement. We supposed to be like we know we belong and we have a right to be somewhere, but we still are always watching, especially as women. So I think we're more, we're more equipped to be safe out here because we're not taking stuff for granted. We like, yeah, I'm watching. Like people, I'm sitting here in the parking lot right now. I'm talking to you, I'm watching people. I feel quite safe. I've been here for days, but yeah, you know, I I feel perfectly safe and fine. And I got my friends here that can help me. If somebody wants to try me, try me. Try me. Please.

SPEAKER_00 32:38

So my question is if you were on a stage and you had to share with a group of women the best lesson that you have gotten out of life up to this point, what lesson is that?

SPEAKER_01 32:54

I probably would say, and I am a speaker as well. I haven't spoken on stage in a while to be on social media, but I do that as well. The best lesson that I've probably learned is to trust yourself. Because from the time we are born, that is what we are taught not to do. That's just women. Men get it in a different way, they don't get it to the same extent. A lot of times them is doing it to us. We're taught not to trust ourselves. We will trust somebody else's thoughts and advice over our own every single time. Trust yourself. If you think a thing, trust that. You and another thing I say, and it's not really relating to the lesson, but everybody is an expert. And I said this in my comments probably last year or something. Pissed people off. Everybody is an expert. To the extent that you know something that somebody else doesn't know, but they want to know, that makes you an expert in what you know. Now you may not be considered a master in that field, knowing a whole lot. But to the extent that you're ahead of somebody, you can reach back and help them do the part you've done. And that's why I know everybody can coach and lead and do that kind of stuff. Because the people can always learn from you. But you trust yourself that what you know is what you know, what you can do is what you can do. And in at this stage in life, it's a rebuilding. You have to rebuild the trust you had in yourself when you were four or five years old. When you ask little kids what they want to be, what they can do, anybody want to be an astronaut, all the hands go up. Anybody want to be a person? All these wanna be president. They have no reason to think that. By the time, they actually did a study on this, but by the time you get to, I feel like when you're about six years old, by the time you get from like a pre-K type of age to six or seven, you already you already received the label. But that's the cute one, that's the smart one, that's the funny one. He's the goof off, he's everybody knows which one they are. They start to learn. And they start to dim their light. And they learn that everything's not possible. So even as we tell our children, you can do anything you want to do. What you're showing them is that they can't. And so trust yourself. That would probably be the top lesson that I would want to share.

SPEAKER_00 35:19

Okay. And for the woman who struggles with trusting herself, who wants more just doesn't know how to go out and get it, what do you say to her?

SPEAKER_01 35:30

First, I'm gonna say to her, you don't have to know the how. You don't have to know the how. You just have to know the what. I listen to the Successful Man podcast, uh, hosted by David Nagel every day. And one of the things he says is, the how is none of your business. That's God's business. You just have to show up, you have to know what it is and just take the next step. I think a lot of times, especially as black women, uh, the strong black woman uh caricaturer is what I call it. It is so damaging. And I don't let people call me that. Because they don't say strong Asian woman, they don't say strong Hispanic woman, they don't say strong white woman, they just call them whatever they are. That's something that was used to damage us historically. Yeah, it's a and that's part of our historical oppression, it's all a part of that. Um, but you don't have to have it all figured out, but we're we're programmed to be the nurturers and we're the ones everybody can come to. We start to wear that like a badge of burnt. Then I've got it covered. I don't need nobody. No, I'm weak. Don't do that. I mean, I'm strong, all a bunch of stuff, but don't label me as that. Because now you want to minimize, yeah. Now you minimize my ability to not have it all together. You don't have to know how. You just have to acknowledge the what. Another thing David Nagel talks about all the time is that one of the hard, and I've experienced this as a coach, one of the hardest questions to get people to answer is what they want. Because when you ask somebody that, usually they struggle. I don't know. I never accept I don't know. If any of y'all ever reach out for coach, you just know your I don't know, not gonna work with me. I say, well, if you did know, what would the answer be? But once you get them to say something, it's but they immediately gotta shoot it down. Well, but but but uh but uh but I'd have to first I didn't ask you how to get there. I said, what do you want? People are so afraid to tell the truth about that because that's very personal, it's very deep, and you've been taught by everything in society that you can't have what you want. How dare you! How dare you want more than what you're given? You should be grateful. I can be grateful and also want more. I guess that'd be a great lesson. I can be appreciative of my multiple degrees and big old house and raising two amazing children and what I've accomplished financials, all the things, and still say, but I don't want that no more. Hello, Auntie, bless her heart. She's well, she's really in her 70s. She said, You're gonna sell your house, it's so beautiful. I said, Yes. It's beautiful. I've enjoyed it. And I think the crazy thing is, I think people realize you can always do stuff again. That part. When I want it, I'll get another. Like, this is the only house I can get. But I think there's such an attachment to having accomplished this thing to get here, and that you're like dishonoring that to walk away from. It's like, no, I've a change. I don't have to stay here forever to acknowledge that I got here.

SPEAKER_00 38:30

And for some, it's a status thing. You're showing that you made it versus when you sell it. What are you gonna show? Oh, girl. Oh, girl.

SPEAKER_01 38:38

I'm thinking of some people I know right now. It's a big, beautiful home. And I know a lot of times people, they probably look down on me. They live in a bad child, but I'm doing what I want to do. You waiting on two weeks of PT up to do what you say you want to do. I mean, you can have your house if you want to, but don't let it define. The house is a lot of times the biggest one, the place. I have a friend, she's actually relocating to Africa, and I've been kind of like, Hey girl, I know you listen, but I'm kind of low-key, kind of coaching her on some things and kind of getting her. She has a house to sell. There were some attachment issues with them. She worked through them and I might be on the market now. I haven't talked to her uh in a few days, but there can be a lot of attachment safety issues. Like I'm gonna have somewhere to come back to. Wherever you are, it is your place to come back to. Wherever I am is home. And when you define home for yourself, nobody can hurt you. When the house is the definition, then I gotta get nervous if I miss payments and it goes in the foreclosure, or if I don't know, the kind of I was upside down in my home, my first house. Um it's just a lot of different things that can come with it. Or, you know, if it's not decorated right, or somebody says something about, I don't worry about none of that stuff. Take, listen, somebody else wanted the career I had, wanted the job I had, damn it. It's still there. Cook champion. I want to be overseas. I want to be on some Grand Canyon cliff looking over the edge on a random Tuesday morning, like, yes. And then go help some people. Yes, that's that's freedom. There's no freedom when you're shackled to things you're supposed to do. And that's what a lot of times we're happening. It's like, how can I like okay? You know the thing where people feel like they're a failure if they're not using their degree. I'm like, there's no way you can have a degree and not be using it. The experience to get there and everything you learn is still in your hand. It may not be a job that says you need this particular degree to get it. That don't mean you're not using it. How can you not you, how can you not know what you already know? You are using it every single day.

SPEAKER_00 40:43

So that's your day today.

SPEAKER_01 40:45

But even if you get it, but even if you go into a different field. Okay. I just think there's so much, okay. If you couldn't tell, I'm a bit of a I guess I'm a bit of a rap a radical maverick. I just don't I question everything. Like, who cares about that? I don't treat people different because they I don't worship celebrities. I don't, when I saw the president of the company, I might have nodded at him, but I didn't do nothing different than if I saw the janitor. I probably stand and talk to the janitor long. Because he's gonna be somebody interesting. I don't want to talk to him. Like, I just feel like people are the same. I'm not impressed by people. I don't expect people to be impressed by me. I'm just looking for a human experience. Like a lot of this stuff that we're shackled by, that that ain't it. That's not that's not it. That's not it.

SPEAKER_00 41:29

So, what motivates you? What keeps you going? What keeps you uplifted? What keeps you following your dreams and not giving into the societal norms of maybe I'll just go back to corporate America? You know what's so crazy?

SPEAKER_01 41:43

I don't even. The day I sold my house, I no longer, and this is an important part of it, identity is important. You have to, you have to adopt the identity that you want to have. Once I sold my house, I no longer identified as a homeowner. I don't miss that house. I don't, I don't. The new homeowners, the people that bought my house, lovely family, they had some things, they had questions on. I sent my people up for success. Here's all the stuff, here's how everything works. Like, call me anytime, they love me. I still reach out to them from time to time, or they'll reach out to me when they get my mail. But they um when I had to, I had to go back a couple times since when I still was back at home, and I drove into that neighborhood, and it didn't feel like, oh, I used to live here. It kind of felt like it would feel if I had never been there. Because I'm so detached from having been there. I don't when I talk about the house, I say the house I used to live in. And it's not intentional, it's not something I'm making myself say. That's how I feel. It's not my house. I don't mess up and say my house. That's their house. That's uh it's Macy and Joe's house.

SPEAKER_00 42:53

That's not my house. I I've never attached to material things that I can easily detach from it. It doesn't become my identity, and that's the way I've always been.

SPEAKER_01 43:04

I would love honey. I sold so much, I made thousands of dollars on this stuff in their house. Sold it on Facebook Marketplace. I did keep some things in storage, and I've gradually paired it down, sold some other stuff. The only stuff I only stuff I'm attached to, I have a few pieces of furniture. I'm not so much attached to them, they're just nice, and I have a storage space I keep my clothes in them. So all my bedroom furniture, except for the bed, is still in storage. My clothes are there. Because this to me it's a collection. I can't let it go. I don't, and I tell people, you don't have to let it go. I tell my people, even people that back when I was doing a lot of van life content, I'm like, you don't have to. There's different ways to do van life. There are people that try to, going back to the judgment of people, they try to tell you van life is one thing or vehicle living is one thing. And if you don't do it for that reason, then you're exploiting it. There's people that literally would say people like me who choose to do van life are hurting people who are doing it more out of necessity. They can't afford their apartment, they move into their car or a van. I was in a group one time. I don't even know how we got on this topic. I was in a group one time of women who are beach now, women the van life or something. Why not go in there and ask the people? You know, I like nice things. I had nice things before. Just gonna live in a van, I mean, okay. So I said, I want to know all the little bougie girls and like the people that like nice things and wanted to dry flush toilet and whatever the nice little stuff was for a van. When I tell you, they tried to read me for Phil. I must be nice to being rich. Didn't say I was rich. Must be nice. Like I was hurting them because I wanted cute little stuff in my van. But they want, because those type of people have decided that van living is a struggle. You don't have nice things. It's kind of like you're doing the roughing it, money's tight, all of that. I don't begrudge them there, but that's not my experience. I gave up a beautiful home, made six figures profit on that house when I sold it, and did this on purpose. And I can live too. I left that group. That's too negative. People will try to tell you. Yeah, they literally will say that somehow we're hurting homeless people because we're choosing to be, I call it house-free. It's not hurting them. They're being hurt because they're homeless. And I I actually defend, I don't let people call me homeless because it's actually an insult to actual homeless people. I had a homeless ministry. We went out on Friday nights and crawled on the bridges and behind bushes to feed people and clothe them. Them people are homeless. I got food, a refrigerator, AC. Water, like I'm not homeless. My house just has wheels on there. It's really small. I'm not homeless, but they're trying to say that to insult you. You're just homeless. Don't come. One commenter said, Well, I don't remember what I said. I was telling people to leave corporate America. That's what they want to do. But don't basically they were just saying, don't come crawling back when you need help later. It's like, what are you what are you even talking about? Like they resent that we get to choose that everybody gets to choose. And so they're saying if it doesn't work out, don't come back for help. What are you what are you talking about? Just mad. Why don't you go choose the life you want instead of being mad that I did? Right, right. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 46:21

I don't understand how someone can get upset at the way someone else chooses to live their life. But there are people like me.

SPEAKER_01 46:32

Look internally, but we again, society teaches us we don't have a choice. And so people love the excuse of I have to, I can't. So when someone proves that's not true, especially someone that's from where you're from, kind of at the same station of life, that's what makes them, that's why I wanted to say this from earlier. That's why people resent people like me, people like you, that are doing something different because it takes away their excuse. So there are people who I joke, they have famously not said anything to me since I started Bay Life. And I'm not needing to hear from them, but I've noticed it's people I used to talk to. They ain't asked me once how I'm doing. I said, you know, if I had a friend that suddenly did something like that, how is it going? I'm gonna be texting. Radio silent. And it's because they thought I was like them, or maybe even beneath them in a way. And so now when I'm I can come from the same type of place you came from, the same type of career, house, station in life. And now I'm doing this. Now that takes away the excuses you told yourself about why you can't. Because I'm showing you you can, you could if you wanted to, and that's why people are uncomfortable. And so the silence that I received, you know, it's it's fine. I ain't reaching out to them either. It's just I know that before it was texty and come over and we'll hang out and now it's you ain't asked me once and I stole it. You ain't curious. Like, how could you not be curious? You still watch me on Facebook. I know you peeping. I see you peeping. And I'm all curating a living on. What's what's the name of this podcast? Wine wisdom.

SPEAKER_00 48:12

And what now?

SPEAKER_01 48:13

Wine wisdom way. I'm all wine wisdom. What now? I see you peeping. Okay, and it's okay. I'm here to inspire. And for the people that want to do something different, I'm here to empower you. And really, the empower comes from yourself, but to kind of show you how to tap into the power to just, it's not even that hard. The crazy thing, Yolanda, it's not even that hard. It's harder to stay stuck. It really is. It really is harder to force yourself. I can't imagine what it's like to stay stuck in a life you don't want. Every week, just like five days a week, you waiting for two. I was on their roller coaster. I said, no, ma'am. The first time I found somebody who could tell me another way, I gave him thousands of dollars to show me, and he did. I will forever be grateful for all of my business coaches that I've invested in because they're showing me how to do something different. How can you live the majority of your life waiting for two days, half of which you're gonna be dreading the start of it again? Because that's that we live in for the weekends. That's not cute. I'm just gonna live it and go on this little vacation. No, if you want to travel all the time, do that. And there's people doing it, they just stay gonna move overseas. A lot of black people moving overseas anyway. There's people peaceful over there. Where I'm gonna actually move overseas at least for a while and do that because but don't not go. Well, I don't know how. Find out. Find out. Like, why why is it okay to not know?

SPEAKER_00 49:52

If someone wanted to dig in deeper, learn more, just connect with you, what is the best way they can get in contact with you?

SPEAKER_01 50:01

So I am 50 is the new free on our platform, not all of them, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and uh Instagram. My little Instagram is struggle. John, if y'all on Instagram and you want to hook up, hook up over there. Because we don't have to go for the internet. Instagram did not love me, Jan. I just actually it's it's automatically cross-posted from Facebook over there. So it's just kind of like a back, a backdrop. I don't even I don't know how to be on Instagram. All these platforms are different, how you approach them. 50s is number 50 is the new free. Is it me on all my platforms? That's where I post my content. I love TikTok because it's just it's a great space to learn and connect with people like you and just and just vibe, you know. So that's that's that's what it is. But to me, I tell people you can watch another person all you want. That can become a place to hide too. I'm doing research, I'm I'ma see. Take a first step. Because the thing that makes people nervous, I always have a call to action in my videos. Because that's what we're there for. I'm there to help people. You know, comment below if you if you want something different, because watching me, you may love that I did it. That's not helping you do it. Whatever it is, it's not bare life. Most people don't want to do very life. What they love about when they're watching me and people like me is you can just sense that they you were doing something else, and then you decide to do this crazy thing and you did it. I want to do that. I'm scared. I want to help people to not be scared when they think about doing their own. I want to instill fear in what you're doing right now. Because that's where the fear comes. That's I have loved ones and people I know who are looking at life in the rear view mirror, and they don't have to, but they do. They still talk about what they wish they had done. As long as you're still sucking Eric, you can still do it. I saw something about the other day, a woman, uh somebody graduated from I think med school or something in their 90s. It's never too late.

SPEAKER_00 52:00

Okay, never.

SPEAKER_01 52:02

Don't matter how long they can practice medicine. It's not what it's about. Right. It's about the accomplishment of a thing they had told themselves they would do.

SPEAKER_00 52:10

Yes. I want to thank you for coming forth and sharing your light. There are so many themes in what you shared, and so many takeaways from what you shared. So just being open and just telling your story. I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_01 52:27

Thank you so much, Yolanda, for reaching out all TikTok, guys. If y'all got TikTok, sometimes the inboxes is not scammers, guys. We got 53 message requests over. Read them. It could be your future over there. Something for your future could be sitting there on those inboxes. Yolanda reached out. I don't even know how you how did you find me on TikTok? Was just I showed you your videos or something.

SPEAKER_00 52:47

Just one of your videos. As long as the message doesn't start with hey beautiful, I'm gonna click in and I'm gonna read it. If it starts with hey beautiful, you telling me you see content where they start hey beautiful, we're doing that. Not content, but those DM spam messages, and they're usually all on the page. They got the little six pictures showing there in the military, and it's like, okay, spam.

SPEAKER_01 53:08

Oh my god. The one I get hit with a lot, and it's it's almost something to aspire for. It's I get hit up by a lot of, I get at least followed by a lot of fake accounts of people I actually follow. I'm talking about, and I'm like, what is it like? I kind of I'm close to knowing what it's like to have a following so big that people want to spoof you. And my daughter's going through that right now. She is close to 100,000 followers. She helps nursing students to pass exams. And there's fake accounts of her out there. I'm like, counting our joy, girl. They ain't spoofing me here. When they spoofing you, it means you have something that they want. It never for me, why it never works, because they're not gonna send them to your real links. So whatever they do, anybody with a brain will realize it's not you. But I'm like, yes, yeah, make a fake account.

SPEAKER_00 53:58

Vince. So thank you for having me. This is fun. There were so many great takeaways from that conversation. Even if you're not interested in van life, just the courage it took to make a decision that goes against societal norms, the confidence it took to believe in herself, to do the things that she aspired to do that's making her happy, living her best life, not by anyone else's terms. There were so many takeaways, and I hope that you were able to get them. Listen again if you need to. Come back and share in a comment to let me know what you took away from this episode. Like I tell you, this is the everyday lived experience of black women over 40. I greatly appreciate you and your support. I'd appreciate if you like, share, comment, let other women know that we're here, help us grow. We want to get all of these voices, all of these women that are coming forward and sharing their story. We want to get them out to the masses. I was excited to see when I looked at the analytics that we have been downloaded in eight countries. So it's getting out there. I'm asking you to continue to spread it. I appreciate you. If you have questions for me, if you have a story that you want to share, email me questions at winewisdomwhatnow.com. If you haven't joined the circle and you're interested, the website for more information is www.curated living by yh.com. The circle is a space for us, similar to this podcast. It's a space for us to come, it's a safe space for us to come, learn together, grow together, motivate each other, encourage each other, celebrate each other. It is there for us. It is part of the ecosystem of curated limit. Just like the podcast, there is a space in there where we can actually continue the conversations from the podcast. So I invite you to join. If no one has told you, you are amazing, you are doing amazing things. Allow yourself grace. Allow yourself the ability to dream and believe in yourself. We are here every Tuesday at 6 a.m. I hope you'll join me next week. I want you to have the most amazing week ever, and I thank you for your support.