SPEAKER_00 1:03

Welcome to Wine, Wisdom and What Now. I am your host, Yolanda Holliday, and I thank you for joining me. If this is your first time here, welcome. Get comfortable, grab a glass, come sit with us. This is a podcast for us, by us, everyday lived conversations of black women over 40. And if you have been here before, welcome back. I greatly, greatly appreciate your support. From the bottom of my heart, I truly mean it. Thank you. Before we pour, let's get into the value of genuine relationships. I mean your girls. I mean that one you can call, and you know she has your back. She is going to support you, but she's also going to keep it real. If someone needs to tell you, hey girl, that ain't right, she is going to be the one. And she's going to do it in a way that you're going to receive it. But she is going to be the one you know you can trust her voice. You can trust what she's saying to you. She's going to be the one that's clapping the loudest in the room. She's going to be the one that's going to show up in the moments when you need it most. I have an amazing circle. I truly, truly love and appreciate my girls. And I just want to go ahead and give them a shout out. I know you. If you don't have that circle, you need to figure out why. Is it that you don't receive feedback well? Is it that you don't know how to share the spotlight? Do some reflection because we all have to have at least that one. Has to be at least one that we truly can look at and be like, that's my girl right there. Let's get into the pouring. This week's pairing. This week, we're going to pair our conversation with a toast to me bubbly Rieslin from Her Wine, a black-owned wine brand created with women in mind. And one of the things that immediately caught my attention about this brand is that her stands for having evolved repeatedly. Now, if that doesn't fit today's conversation, I don't know what will. I chose a toast to me because today we're talking about living intentionally, choosing yourself, and recognizing that some of the best parts of our lives may arrive on a completely different timeline than we imagined. This is a semi-sweet, sparkling Rieslin, so for food, I kept it fun and approachable. Try it with spicy shrimp, Asian-inspired dishes, a creamy brie with fruit, fried chicken, remember, bubbly goes well with fried food, or even a light dessert. And I love the name A Toast to Me because sometimes that's exactly what we need to do. We spend so much time celebrating everybody else, their milestones, their accomplishments, their next chapters. Sometimes you need to raise the glass to yourself. So pour yourself a glasses. Let me know what you think. If you've never had it, you can go on her H E R website, order you a bottle. If you have tried this, please let me know in the comments what you think. Cheers, sis. Let's go ahead and get into this conversation. I am excited about today's guests. We have a little bit of history. I've always been a fan. So let's talk about it. Pamela Davis Brown. Pamela Davis Brown is the creator and host of the Well Done Life podcast, where she encourages women, particularly women over 40, to live healthier, fuller, and more intentional lives. A media professional, storyteller, and wife, Pamela uses honest conversations about wellness, faith, relationship, and personal growth to encourage women to choose themselves and embrace every season of life. Her own journey through wellness, love, reinvention, and becoming continues to shape her message. Some of life's most beautiful chapters don't have to happen on anyone else's timeline. Welcome, Pamela Davis Brown. Hi, how are you? I have to say that several years ago, I sat for a podcast where Pamela was doing the recording on the Well Done Life podcast, and it was an amazing experience. So it's almost like full circle that now I get to have the conversation with her, and she doesn't know. She's probably one of the motivated forces when I was like, I guess I can do it. I thought back to when we sat down together and it's like, well, it wasn't that bad. So thank you for that.

SPEAKER_01 6:07

Oh, well, thank you. You honor me with that. I'm so glad that you're in the space. We needed you. We need you.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

Thank you. Thank you. I love it here. I did not know how it would go, but I love it here. I'm so glad. It is.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

It's cool. It's fun.

SPEAKER_00 6:21

Stay. Keep bringing friends. That's right. And if you didn't hear her podcast, it is the Well Done Life Podcast. It'll also be in the notes. But it's a really good podcast. Now, jump it into the conversation. Okay. What season are you currently navigating?

SPEAKER_01 6:37

And it's funny that you asked me that because I was gonna come up. I was trying to think of like myself personally, but it it it still applies. Um, and I'm actually doing a series around the season that I'm in. The season that I'm in is I feel like God is surrounding me by women who have found their worthiness. And so I am talking about being worthy. I finally at 53 feel worthy. I feel worthy of all the things that I ever could imagine for myself. Things I just never thought were gonna happen, happening. And so, and I see that not just in myself, but I see it in other women. And so I I feel like this is a season of worthiness, of falling into myself, and I'm I'm very grateful to be here.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

Nice, nice. So you said at 53 you realize that you have found your worthiness. At 40, 45, did you even realize that that was a thing that you didn't you would were you just going through life, or did you realize that I just don't feel worthy?

SPEAKER_01 7:53

It's funny. I I don't think that I had the words for it at 40 or 45. Thinking back to that time, I was on the journey to where I am now, but I had no idea that there were still more layers that I was gonna have to go through as it relates to myself. I I didn't have the lyrics for it. I was just trying to survive, trying to figure it out. I was trying to be the best version of myself. And I don't really feel like, I'm gonna be honest, that it got close to where I am now until I hit 50.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

The same. And I don't know what it is about the number 50. It was, I think I I didn't feel like I wasn't worthy, like just it wasn't at the front of my mind. Maybe some of my actions when I would shrink myself would would be the feeling of not being worthy. But just in the front of my mind, I never left saying, Man, I'm not worthy. But it was something about 47, 46, 47. I started this journey of something's not right. And then at 50, you couldn't tell me anything.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

Like, nope. That's exactly how I felt. I was just like, um, I went into 50, like that was my golden renaissance. I had started like getting healthy, started claiming myself. I was like, I'm feeling good about me. And I even then, if I think about it, I still didn't call it worthiness. But I was just like, I'm finally starting to just not give a dog on about what people think anymore. And I feel like after 50, it's just every year has progotten progressively where I care less about what other people think.

SPEAKER_00 9:29

What have what is what have you given yourself permission to do or be after hitting this season?

SPEAKER_01 9:36

Oof, child, what haven't I? I've given myself I and I and when I say that, I was like, what haven't I? I really mean that. Like in this season, I've made giving myself permission to be the healthiest version of myself. Like, not to worry about societal, societal limits. I and when I talk about that, I'm saying like I'm not worried anymore about what the scale says. I've lost a significant amount of weight. I'm not gonna pretend and say that I haven't, but at the same time, I'm also now leaning more into like gaining muscle, building my body. And I actually have decided I want to try to do like a fitness competition next year. So I am really trying to thank you. I'm trying to get lean or like lose more fat, do more body recomposition. So we can nerd out about that if you want. Because like I've been on a GLP one for almost two years now, and I am perimenopausal. So girl, I'm on all the I'm on hormones trying to make this thing balance out like a scientist. But I've given myself permission to advocate for myself to get the kind of health care and treatment that I'm gonna be honest. That I felt like some of the white ladies just had like a mass like group party about, and that the black ladies were not getting. I lift heavy weights. I've given myself to permission to be sexy and healthy and feel good about myself. And then the biggest thing I think is I gave myself permission that I actually could marry. Yes, yeah, I got married, I'm a newlywed. Um, I've only been married for about 14 months now. Yeah, 15 months, a little so a little over a year, and I married uh my college sweetheart. We couldn't get it together back then, and we reconnected through a TikTok video for one of my very good friends who's like a sister to me. She did a video and she dances all over the internet. And luckily, he happened to see me one night. And after a couple of hours of conversations with me to convince me to go ahead and do it, because I was like, shoot, I'm single, I'm out here living my best life, traveling and doing my things and not looking for uh emotionally unavailable men, but he happened to be emotionally available and conversate one conversation, as my husband likes to say, one mic. And now, 14 months later, I'm a wife, and so I gave myself permission to do that at this age, and I've that's my first marriage. It's gonna be my first and only marriage.

SPEAKER_02 12:15

Congratulations.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

Thank you. It's different, you know. I'll be honest, at this season, most of my friends, you know, are trying to figure out how to keep this thing going. I'm trying to figure out how to be a wife and for the first time. So it's different. It's different.

SPEAKER_00 12:31

Yeah. So do you feel like once we get to a certain age, 50, we're pretty established in our life. We we're pretty, depends on how much you were dating, burnt out from the dating phase and burnt out from meeting all of the Mr. No's, that it's harder to let someone in. Did you find it more difficult to let someone in? Did you have to talk yourself into it? Or what did that look like?

SPEAKER_01 12:58

Um, with him, with my husband Harry, I did get talked into it only because I was like, he had had two prior chances to reconnect with me, and he dropped the ball every time. And at that point, I was trying to date someone else who was a good person. He is, he's a one who was a wonderful person, but he was emotionally unavailable. So I was projecting what I wanted versus really listening to what this man is telling me, which I feel like unfortunately a lot of us as women do. You know, we just want what we want so badly, but that person is just not hit. With Harry, it wasn't like once I got convinced to take a chance, I knew I wasn't making a mistake because he came to me in a way that was so open and vulnerable, so emotionally available, and I was open and available at that point, and it was just the perfect connection.

SPEAKER_00 13:57

Yes, yes. So again, congratulations. Thank you so much. Thank you. I'm excited. So, in this journey, uh-huh, I hear a lot of women say, Am I too old to do XYZ? Am I too old? What gives you the confidence, the courage to say, I'm going to do a weight body composition competition, or I'm going to get married at 15 and not care about what others are saying because they may they may put a cap on you, but you're not putting that cap on yourself.

SPEAKER_01 14:31

Yeah, because I don't care. I I don't care what anyone thinks. Uh um, you don't have to do it, but I know I'm I can do it. When I go to the gym and I see people in there who are like in their 60s, 70s, 80 years old working out. What excuse do I have not to? And I'm doing this because I'm gonna be honest, I don't want to be like my mom. My mom is 79 years old, and unfortunately, she's blind with stage four kidney disease and diabetes. That's not my my ministry. I'm trying to live active and free, and I plan on being fine for the rest of my life. Like my goal is Okay, I'm trying to be thicker than Snickers, thicker than cold grips and peanut butter. Like, I want to be so fine and make you uncomfortable. So that shows I just really don't care. And as it relates to my husband, that definitely was a I don't care because I know I was so intentional about making the decision to get married. Like we were so intentional because my husband had been married before, has been married before. And so it's like we both don't want to hurt each other, and so we really are working to have the type of relationship and marriage that we want. Who am I to deny what God had brought into my life because I'm 50 some odd years old? If he saw that this was my season, I'm gonna embrace it. I'm going to run to it, and I don't care what anyone thinks because you don't have to live my life. And I think a lot of us need to recognize that we have to get to that point in our lives where we stop worrying so much about what other people think and start living the life that God is trying to give us.

SPEAKER_00 16:14

Right, right. You brought up that horrible P word perimetopause.

SPEAKER_01 16:19

Yes, girl.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

And it takes us all through it, like just all the way through it. How do you manage your positive outlook, your positive energy at perimetopause?

SPEAKER_01 16:31

Um, hormones. I'm not even gonna pretend. Hormones, and I'll I I will say that is another reason to get healthy because from a metabolic standpoint, um, when you are strength training and uh really actively trying to build the muscles and everything, it really does help from a hormonal perspective. Because the more muscles that you build, you are increasing testosterone, which is going to give you more muscle, more bone strength. It will also help with mental clarity. Um, so I'll be honest, I do supplement it out and I keep a good attitude because of it, but at the same time, also I am really taking time for me. And I think as women, we have to find, especially in that season, something that gives you peace, something that gives you time to check back in with yourself. So for me, yes, I'm finding that strength and working out, and that helps me. That's my time that I can pour into myself and it makes me feel good. It starts my day and it keeps my hormones and everything regulated. But at the same time, I'm not gonna act like it doesn't, like it's an end all be all. I do take um, I take progesterone as well as I also do um magnesium. Girl, I'm like on a progesterone, magnesium, testosterone cream, ashwagon. Like I gotta like a little trinity mix that keeps me together. And I just am determined not to make menopause like the end of my life. Like I'm some old hag. Like, no, this is just a whole nother level. And I'm just treating it like it's a whole nother level.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

And I think that's the way you have to go through it with not letting it defeat you. It is it is very uncomfortable. And I too I also do caramel replacement therapy. It is the best thing, but I also find that I have to do other things as far as like like you. I don't want to be 80 years old, have to rely on someone to help me out of the chair. I want to be 80 years old and still running and going the same way that I'm going right now. And it's it's mainly it starts in your mental state of I I am going to do those things. And then it comes with you pushing yourself to actually do those things because there are a lot of women who are 70, 80, 90 years old who are still getting around and still looking fine. Absolutely. That's a little story.

SPEAKER_01 18:56

Yes, and and that should be our story. I mean, and no, as black women, child, the black don't it it don't have to crack unless we let it.

SPEAKER_00 19:04

Yes, agreed, agreed. And again, it's mental because I think about people I know that are the same age or a little older, that's like, oh, I'm too old to be out at 8 p.m. Why? Why? You're grown than you've ever been in life. Why are you too old for anything? Or I get so annoyed when I hear so I'm a TikTok fanatic. But someone comes on and says, Am I too old to start a business? I'm 52 years old. Well, one, why are you asking permission? Two, start the business. What does that mean? Am I too old? If you have the idea of the vision, and you can execute it, that's your answer. Pretty much.

SPEAKER_01 19:41

That's your answer. And it and it's it's so funny because I had a like an alignment call for a guest that I am gonna have on the pod. And we were talking about how, as women, a lot of us get conditioned in this good girl syndrome, where it's like you have certain time limits to do everything, certain perceptions that you're worrying about, carrying, all of this in order for me to live the life that everybody wants. I gotta be like this prescribed good girl. And there has to come this shift in your life where you're just like, damn that good girl, bump that girl. I'm trying to be me, and I'm still gonna be a good girl, but I'm gonna go out here and live my best life. I don't have to dress like somebody's grandma because I'm in my 50s. I'm fine. You fine, girl.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

Show what you got. You work for her for that. And if you're judging because you feel like I'm too old, that is on you. Like that is my business. You go and you deal with whatever your thoughts are over there.

SPEAKER_01 20:38

Just don't bring it this way. Amen. Because and and that, even in itself, is such a powerful thing that you said because how many of us are really honest enough to admit that we have spent our lives carrying the expectations of other people versus being true to who we are.

SPEAKER_00 21:49

Yeah. And it's so easy to be a people pleaser because we work with flaws. We want the, yeah, girl, you're doing it, but really it's not what you want to do. So you want to like again, right?

SPEAKER_01 22:02

Again, it's always trying to be the good girl for everybody, but I'm sorry, maybe it's time to be good girl gone bad, so that you can live this life out on your terms. Yeah, and the people who really rock with you, who love you, they'll understand.

SPEAKER_00 22:15

Yeah, they'll understand. Yeah, they will be there. And so I love this energy and I love this verse, I just love all of this. What is the biggest life lesson that life has taught you that you can share with someone else who may not be in this space yet?

SPEAKER_01 22:36

Choose you. No matter what. It's kind of like when you're on the airplane, and how you know when they're doing the safety announcement, they always tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first versus trying to help somebody else. And if most of us are really honest, we're always gonna try to put on somebody else's oxygen mask first before putting on ourselves. And at this season of your life, especially for those people who are about to get into this level of life, because I wish I had learned this younger. You always have to choose you, no matter what it looks like. If you don't choose you, you are cheating yourself, and it's not selfish, it is selfless because you deserve to be first at all times. You have to, you must choose you. And it's funny, I always say that to my husband that I need you to choose you because if you choose you, I know you can choose me.

SPEAKER_00 23:34

Yes. You have to show up for others if you're not showing up for yourself.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

Absolutely. So The same thing for us, like we have to. We're constantly being primed to give, give, give, to be everything to everybody. Okay. But in these seasons of our lives where we have been everything to everybody, it's time for you to choose you. Because if you don't choose you now, when are you going to do it?

SPEAKER_00 23:57

Right. That that part right there. And if you're not choosing you, how do you expect others to choose you? Absolutely. You gotta make yourself a priority. Yeah. There was an event I did, and someone mentioned how we just need to destigmatize the word selfish. Yeah. It's okay to put you first. It is okay to say no. Yep. I don't feel like it. That just doesn't serve me. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 24:22

And it's so funny because again, I and not to always harp on society or whatever, because I'll be honest, it's not always society. A lot of times it's generations, a lot of times it's family because Big Mama was the one who was selfless and did everything for everybody. I know my grandmother did everything she could for her family. And so we we come from that lineage of strong, wonderful women. But imagine who those women could have been, how their lives could have been if they had the space and capacity to choose what they truly needed at that time, to take a break, to be able to pour into themselves in some way. Because if we were to talk back to them, a lot of them have no idea what self-care looks like.

SPEAKER_00 25:09

Right, right. Or that it's okay to put themselves first. They don't even have that permission to put themselves. And it's just how it was then. So even if that is how it was, we see different. We have other opportunities. We owe it to ourselves to live our fullest life. Because I always say the worst thing that I could ever do is get up in age and look back and say, I wish I had. I regret I didn't. Like, no, I'm gonna do the things that if it doesn't work out, it just doesn't work out. If it doesn't kill you, you get a chance to do it again.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

Absolutely. Because I mean it's never too late. I it to me, the only time it's too late is when you're in the grave.

SPEAKER_00 25:48

That's exactly right. Right. So if you wake up, try it again, do it a different way. But just don't give up.

SPEAKER_01 25:54

Yes. The and it but it's you know, it's the side of you where it's like you get out of your way. Yes, where you finally learn how to trust yourself. That's why I said it's like so important to choose you too, because you have to learn how to trust that you have all the information that you need to be able to make good decisions. There there has to be a season of healing where you actually start living what you've been learning and applying.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

And you can't skip that season. It's not um, this is how I am, and then everything's up right place tomorrow. Like that healing journey, we talk about it often, it's difficult. It is, but you have you have to go through it to really appreciate it on the other side.

SPEAKER_01 26:38

Absolutely, and you have to trust that you've done enough. Like every you don't have to heal 365 days a year every year for the rest of your life. Like it's not a requirement. There actually, yeah, there actually is time where you get to live. I have to admit, I feel like I'm in a living season. Like I've read enough books, I've done enough therapy. I'm still in therapy. And but at the same time, I'm not focused on trying to fix or find a problem. I'm actually I'm focused on living. And I feel that I yeah, and I feel like I have the tools that if something happens, I can handle it.

SPEAKER_00 27:17

Right. And that's what healing does. Like at some point, you're gonna get to a place where and healing does being healed doesn't mean that you're not gonna be triggered by something. Absolutely. You're human. Being healed means that you'll be triggered in a different way, you'll make different decisions, you'll not feel the guilt of putting yourself first. You're not carrying the guilt of what happened 20 years ago. You're giving yourself permission to be free from all of that. That's what being healed is, and at some point you got to start applying it. Like you can't be the whatever person that's just always down and just can't. At some point, you gotta apply it. Otherwise, you're not really healing, you're just wasting time.

SPEAKER_01 27:59

True. Or to me, I think you're hiding because I think a lot of times it's easy to hide in the the I have to work on this. You're constantly searching for something because you're waiting for perfection. And I think people need to understand it's not about being perfect, it's about being able to navigate the challenges that are gonna come with life. Because you're right, there's no ever season where everything is right all the time. Like, no, it doesn't work that way.

SPEAKER_00 28:29

And if it is, you're telling yourself a lie, like something, something's not right there.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

Pretty much, yeah. It's like you're always gonna have something, but you gotta trust yourself. And I really hope that more people, more women in particular, learn that they are equipped, that they can trust themselves, even when the shoes are falling. You can still trust yourself.

SPEAKER_00 28:50

Okay, so tell us about the Well Done Life podcast. One, where did the name come from and how did you what made you get started with it?

SPEAKER_01 29:00

Um, I started the Well Done Life. Ooh. Well, I've I've been podcasting for five years, but even before I did it, it had been a vision that I had had for a very long time. Uh I got the Well Done Life podcast together because I had finally gotten to a season in my journey of caregiving, because I'm a caregiver to my mother and my younger sister, where I didn't want to always talk about being a caregiver. Like I I originally started podcasting under two chicks and one old lady because I was like, that's the life I'm living. I I I literally have uh becoming a becoming a caregiver, like I think I was like, I want to say I was like 38, I think, when I first started, like in this caregiving, podcasting journey. And I did it because I was uh I was depressed, I was uh suicidal, and I had gone to therapy because I was dealing with like the loss of my dad and just shifting my life around with my mom. And so I did that for a while, but then as I started to come out of it, my therapist was like, you know, you have to figure out how to define yourself for yourself because you are not always gonna be a caregiver. There's gonna be seasons where this is gonna end and you have to be a career behold. And so I started thinking about I wanted to create a space for women because there was that season in my life where I found I needed women to talk to about what I was experiencing, and I just didn't have it around me. I didn't have anyone talking to me about how to navigate caring for a senior citizen or how to navigate trying to figure out myself when I feel like I'm failing on so many levels. How do I handle being like a pseudo parent, you know, to my sister and all that kind of stuff? I didn't know what that life was like. So I said I have to create that space. And when I I I got low and I asked God to give me strength, and if he let me get through, I promised I would share the good and bad of my journey for the rest of my life because I never want someone to feel the way I do. And so that's how I got to the well done life because I recognize that at the end of my life, when I'm standing for God and judgment day, I want him to look at the book and say, Well done, and we'll move forward.

SPEAKER_00 31:23

And it is a testimony to one, your strength, but two, even here, this people are afraid to say I was depressed, I was suicidal. But you own it because you're not here, and to come out of it, I feel like you have to own it and deal with it. You have to sit with it to come out of it. And I know there's definitely not just you that would have that feeling. If there is someone listening that currently is going through that season with advice.

SPEAKER_01 31:57

Be honest about how you're feeling, trust and find someone to talk to. Like I I didn't have I didn't have someone in my life that I felt like I could talk to about it. Like I tried to talk to friends who were people who I thought were friends at the time, being honest. Um like I would tell them I'm numb, I I I I could cut myself and I I wouldn't even feel it. And they were not equipped to be able to handle me, I think. And so I wound up uh calling my my jobs EAP line at the time. And they luckily they didn't like try to commit me because but uh because I was like, I can't kill myself. I might want to, but I can't because I have a senior citizen and a sister. I I can't do that. That's the only thing that stopped me from killing myself. And so they were like, okay, well, at least you have that. Let's find you a therapist. And I went into therapy. If you're at that point, you gotta be willing to own it. And I know it's hard. It's hard. You can't always talk to your friends, even if you have to call it EAP, call somebody and own it. Because once you say it, I don't know, it felt like I don't really want to do this anymore. Like I said, I I found the strength to continue to live in someone else, but I needed that because that's not ultimately the way that I wanted to solve this problem. I just needed to figure out how to get there. And I needed someone to help me. And I didn't need them to be a friend or a family member. I needed someone neutral. And so I went and found them. Find someone because your life is worth it.

SPEAKER_00 33:34

Yep, you are worth it. And I think sometimes friends and family members, they can only relate to it's from their own understanding. So if they haven't experienced it, not knowing what to say, how to say it, not taking it as serious as it should be taken. Right. That's their limitations. But there are people out there that you can talk to and find and build your community and find therapy. I would say therapist should be like a primary care physician. Even if life feels like it's great, check it once a year. It is important. It is definitely absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 34:07

Yeah. I mean, I don't, I'm very grateful. I'm not suicidal now, but um, I I am still in therapy. I made the the decision to go back more actively. Um about two years now, just because I wanted to be proactive in regards to how I manage life. I was trying to get more structured about how I was managing my fear, fears and feelings around completing goals and about self-love and worthiness. So never be afraid of going in and admitting that you need that support, even when things are okay. It's it's still a good place. You need someone sometimes outside of your immediate route that can help you move forward.

SPEAKER_00 34:54

That is very true. And when you were taking on being a caregiver, I know it was very new, um, and you probably were lost, just lost. Are there any resources or things that you found that you could share with someone who may be in that season and feeling like you did in the beginning?

SPEAKER_01 35:14

Oh, absolutely. Um, a lot of when I did it, like I felt that way. I didn't have anyone to talk to. I actually wound up finding like uh senior resource centers, like in I know that a lot of cities have air city facilities devoted specifically or departments for geriatric care now, which I think is amazing. And a lot of those services are free and they're great resources for you. And when if you're dealing with someone who made me ill, I'll be honest, it's hard because you have to navigate that medical journey. Definitely, I would recommend like power of attorneys, you know, speaking with an attorney if you can. But if you can't, child, go on legal zoom. That's what I did when I get my first um power of attorney put together. I sure did Legal Zoom because I didn't have the money at the time trying to swing all that and try to also start having conversations with your loved ones about like their insurance information, their finances. Don't wait until it's one of those moments where it's like, you know, bills haven't been paid and they're trying to foreclose on your mama's house or your daddy's house or somebody like that. Start having those conversations. They're hard. But I would definitely say hindsight being 2020. I wish I had had more conversations, especially as it relates to their insurance policies and everything. Because let's be real, not many of us have $15,000, $20,000 to swing wide out of pocket to pay for funerals or emergence situations. You gotta know what's up. And it's hard. And they're gonna try to block you, press them because it's better for you on the long term, and especially if they're maintaining our own financial accounts. If you can't get them to do a POA, at least ask them if they would make you an authorized signer on the accounts. So that way, if something happens, you can still conduct business. Because one of the things that I found out quickly, especially after my dad passed away, business is still gonna get conducted. They're gonna be sympathetic, but they still gonna expect to understand that there's a plan.

SPEAKER_02 37:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:28

So have a plan. Um, and if you don't have one, start creating one.

SPEAKER_00 37:35

Great advice. Great advice for someone who's in that unknown area, or even someone that's been going through it and just hadn't thought of it.

SPEAKER_01 37:43

So thank you for your full transparency. Uh-uh. I don't mind any time and hey, if anybody has any other questions, DM me. I'm on Instagram, whatever. I'll share my information later, but I'm more than happy to share because I I it's it's it's a lot, and I know how that is.

SPEAKER_00 37:59

It is. Um, so what else would you like to leave us with? What information would you like to share with us? And then at the end, if you will share your Instagram or social media handles.

SPEAKER_01 38:12

Um, I just hope that everyone who's listening, I hope that you will find your way good. I hope that you will carve out time for yourself to actually sit in stillness in peace and love on yourself. Love on you. You are an amazing person. Don't let anyone or anything make you feel like you can't do it. I don't care what you've gone through. I've gone through a lot of different things. I've made tons of mistakes, Chad. Tons. But I've been able to build back. And as long as you have breadth in your body, you can build back. And you deserve it. Stop cheating yourself. So I I really am sending everyone that prayer. Outside of that, um, I definitely just hope that if you get a chance, you'll check out my podcast. I would love that. Um, the Well Done Life podcast. We're on all streaming platforms. I do dabble in a little YouTube. Sometimes you see me, sometimes you don't, but I'm still there. Uh so please, all across the spectrum, I really love creating spaces for women. And so I hope that I can be a resource for you to help you. Because I just want us all to live the well-done life. Like we deserve this thing. We deserve it.

SPEAKER_00 39:27

We deserve it. Thank you so much. This was really a great conversation. I appreciate you. I'm sure there was so much information shared that there will be many that will be helped by this conversation. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 39:41

Can I say something to you, Delicway? Of course. Okay, I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud that you have finally come out and done this. You have so much to share. I will never forget our series where we talked about mother womb and all the healing and generational traumas. And you shared so much of yourself. I don't know how much you've shared of your full story, but for your audience, I hope they know they have a very powerful person here. And I just am here to support and love all you and give you your flowers. I'm truly very proud of you for coming out. Because we, when I say we needed you, I mean that we needed you.

SPEAKER_00 40:26

Thank you so much. I I receive it. I I've shared a little bit, not a whole lot, just because I do very little speaking. Um, but I I appreciate it. I thank you. You're welcome. So, hey, whenever you want to come back, we got to got to swish. You know, it reciprocity is a lot in these streets over here. Let me know.

SPEAKER_01 40:48

Just let me know. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 40:49

We're working on it. This has truly been an authentic, genuine, amazing conversation. I am so thankful for Pamela coming to share her journey, coming to provide nuggets of how she went from one place, depression, to where she is now. That is authenticity that you don't hear every day. That is the goal, the purpose of this podcast. And I'm always thankful for all of our guests who come on and they just share their true lived experience. I'm appreciative. I'm humbled by the kind words. I am I am on the track of where I am supposed to be. I am following the journey that God has directed in my life, and it is confirmed every week I get on here and I speak with a guest, every DM message, every comment I receive from you saying this is what I needed to hear, that you're excited about this journey. I appreciate you. I am thankful. I am humbled. If you have questions or you would like to join me on this podcast, have a conversation with me, please email me questions at winewisdomworknow.com. To find out more about the Curated Circle or just what's happening with Curated Living, our website is www.curated living by yh.com. If you would like to know more about the podcast, join the newsletter and find out, get a preview of what's happening on the podcast before you actually listen. Join our newsletter and our podcast website, www.winewisdomwhatnow.com. I can't say it enough. I am thankful for you for coming, for listening, for spending this time with me. Please like, share, comment, follow, subscribe. We are on all the platforms wherever you podcast, like us there, share us, share our stories, share our journey with other women who feel like can benefit from our true lived experiences that we bring to you each week. We release every Tuesday, 6 a.m. a new episode. If no one has told you, I am here to tell you that you are doing amazing things. You are an amazing woman, that we need you. You are needed, you are loved. I want you to go forth and have the most amazing meet ever, and I will meet you back here next Tuesday at 6 a.m.